Thursday, August 26, 2004 5:36 PM CDT

Forty-five minutes after Kaity became an angel, I laid her back in her bed. It dawned on me what had really happened. My husband stood beside me as we gazed at her lifeless little form. I remember telling him, “She’s not breathing anymore is she? She’s really gone isn’t she?”

I was still unable to cry as Brian held onto me. I felt very weak and was having trouble standing. I felt exhausted. It was hard for me to weep or feel sadness because I knew where Kaity had gone. I had no doubt she was an angel now. My time with her, and her time of teaching our family, was now over. Her life may have been short, but the values she taught in 13 years greatly out weighed someone who may have lived a full and ripe old age. I knew what she had taught me, and my family, and all those who came into contact with her. Her life had been purposeful and for that I was grateful.

The Coroner, whose name is Chad and is a good friend of the family, was scheduled to arrive at 7pm. I was worried that Josh would not arrive home from work in time to see Kaity before Chad took her away, but Josh did make it home in time. He arrived around 6:30 and we met him on the porch. He knew by the look on his parent's faces his sister was gone. His Dad and I held him on the porch as he wept.

That’s when my tears finally started. I hurt for Josh because no matter how much we told him Kaity’s time was near, he didn’t want to believe it. Some of Kaity’s final words she spoke years ago were, “My Josh, my Josh!!” She deeply loved her brother and the feelings were very mutual. He was upset that he had not been with Kaity when she died and he mentioned it several times throughout the evening, “I wish I had been here.”

I believe that Kaity died surrounded by the ones who were supposed to be with her. I tried to explain that to Josh. I told him there was a reason why God did not want him in that room.

I told Josh if he wanted to see Kaity before Chad arrived he could, but I was not forcing him to. He broke free from our embrace saying, “I want to see her.” He broke down again once he reached her side, but I think he needed this time for closure. He was so convinced that his sister would live forever and he had to see that she was truly gone.

The coroner arrived about 20 minutes after Josh. This was a difficult time for me because I didn’t want him to take her away, but I knew I had to let her go, just as I had let her go to heaven. Looking back now, they could have left her at the house and buried her from there and it seems it would have been easier on us, but I knew the funeral was for family and friends to have their time of closure. My closure ended when I held her and watched her die. The rest just seemed like formality to me.

I asked my husband if he wanted to carry Kaity out of the house. Josh said, “I’ll take her Dad…if you don’t want to.” Brian would not hear of it. He wanted to carry her. I always had horrible images that she would be laid on a stretcher in the back of hearse. I should have known that Chad had different plans and for that I’ll be eternally grateful to him.

Chad brought a van and had someone with him to drive. I waited for him to open the back of the van assuming the stretcher was located there, but instead he sat in the passenger seat with open arms and Brian handed Kaity to him. I broke down in tears at that very special moment. I was so afraid to let her go and here our friend was gently holding our daughter in the passenger seat as he drove her to the funeral home. Chad looked at me and said, “Don’t worry Jess…I’ll take care of her.”

I realized at that moment just how many lives Kaity had touched. She was our little queen and even in death she would be treated like royalty…

Friday, August 27, 2004 11:03 PM CDT

I could not remember the events following Kaity leaving the house with Chad. I had to rely on friends and family to tell me what I did that night. At first I thought my memory loss was shock but actually it went much deeper than that. Thanks to my friends and family they helped me develop an outline so I could continue my journal.

On Monday evening (August 9th) my sister Rebecca and Brian’s sister, Rhonda began making phone calls to MPS members, family, and friends. I sat outside on the patio with the entire group. I’m not sure who was there and half the time was not sure what was said. I remember a lot of hustle and bustle.

I had previously made a list of all the people I wanted to receive a personal phone call. Mostly this list consisted of the staff at MPS Forum Dot Com and a few MPS members that I had become close to over the years. There was no way I could call all 160 members but I knew the staff on the forum would take control while I was away.

I remember one phone call in particular that Rhonda had made. It was to a friend of mine that I had lost contact with over the years. Our MPS daughters were very close in age. Her daughter had died two years ago and even though we had lost contact with each other, I thought it was very important that she be notified. It was then that I learned that her daughter, also named Katie and my Kaity both died on the exact same day, August 9th. They were both 13 years old and we both called our daughters Katie-Bug. I remember having tears of joy over that moment. I had always felt “connected” with this Mom and it only made the connection that much stronger for me.

The phone calls continued into the night and after three hours everyone had been called on my list. I remember someone had purchased a tray of ham with little party buns. My girlfriend Donna made me two little sandwiches and shoved them my way. I ate one but was unable to choke down the second. My mind was still very hazy.

I had a restless sleep that night and all I could remember were Kaity’s eyes and what I had felt. I found I could no longer concentrate on anything but that moment. Nothing anyone said seemed important. I wanted to be lost in my thoughts so I could try to “evaluate the situation.”

After a few hours of restless sleep we awoke to find that Tuesday morning had arrived. We decided to reserve August 10th as nothing more than a day of preparation. We decided that Kaity would not be viewed until Wednesday allowing family members and friends ample opportunity to arrive. It also gave us a chance to do the many things we hadn’t had time to do. Those things included buying clothes, taking our purchases to the cleaners to be ironed, visiting Chad at the funeral home, and to work on Kaity’s program that would be used at her memorial service.

Donna, Rhonda and George were at the house Tuesday evening and had begun looking on the internet for the songs that would be used for the service. We had selected the songs months ago but now we were looking for the lyrics. I wanted the words written in the program so that everyone could read and understand why each song had been chosen. They also prepared an outline for me to assist in the layout.

While they worked I took a phone call from the Hospice Pastor, Jim. I was so relieved to hear his voice because I needed to talk to him about what I had seen and felt the moment that Kaity had died. It was troubling me and I had hoped he could shed some light and give me the answers I needed.

I told him exactly what I had seen. A day and a half had gone by and he was the first one to hear my story. I asked him if he could tell me what he saw. I needed to hear someone else’s version…someone who was there.

He began telling me that he had studied and read many stories about religion and cultures all over the world. He said there had been documentations about similar occurrences. He said that there was a religion that believes that the soul exits the body through the eyes or the head area. I’m not sure which religion he mentioned but by this time my ear was glued to the phone to hear what he had to say next.

He continued to say that most of the documented occurrences take place between a Mother and a Child. Sometimes the Father of the child is present but rarely there is anyone else in the room. If there is someone else in the room, it is usually someone who was highly influential in the life of the child. (Aunt Rhonda and Uncle George).

He said, “I saw radiance! As you held your daughter you looked radiant!”

I felt so much better after talking to him. I could hear the excitement in his words and it was so very comforting to me. I decided I needed to talk to someone else as well. Someone who’s spirituality had been a huge impact on my life. I stole my best friend Donna away from the group and pulled her into the kitchen. Remember, she is the one who had the encounter with the stranger at her favorite coffee shack only a few days before Kaity died.

I told her exactly what happened on August the 9th. She assured me that she understood what had happened, only because she had the same experience. Being the doubter that I am, I think God planned for things to happen in the exact formation that would leave Donna and Pastor Jim to explain things to me. Had Jim not been in the room with us, and Donna had not met the man at the gas station, who would have given me the support I needed? Who would have helped me to realize that trying to scientifically find an answer to the situation was simply NOT going to happen?

Donna gave me a new pocket angel that night. This angel was called “Strength.” It felt odd carrying another angel in addition to Love and Peace so I gave the Strength coin to Brian.

By the time I finished talking to Donna and Jim, the evening had become night and suddenly I was aware that I only had a few hours left to write Kaity’s program. Everyone was tired and wanted to go home. I was left alone and fully determined to organize the outline the group had given me and make the eight page program come to life. I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning preparing the pages.

At first I wanted it to be written words that I had prepared, but unfortunately the words would not come. I was only able to write three small paragraphs for the front cover along with her photo. The remaining seven pages were words to the songs that would be played and dedicated to her. I wanted people to read the words while they were played so they would understand why each song had been selected…I wanted them to HEAR the music...

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Does everyone remember my journal entry about the Moon Flower?  The most flowers that ever bloomed were eight, and that had been weeks ago. The plant normally only has 2 to 5 blooms every night. The night Kaity died, August 9th, we had nine blooms.

Picture Taken August 9, 2004

Sunday, August 29, 2004 10:07 PM CDT

Sometime during the week Leroy called and spoke to a family member saying that he wanted to return on Friday to finish our landscaping. He was told that Kaity had passed away on Monday and Friday would be a bad day because the “after service events” were being held at the house.

Out of fear and avoidance, most people would have scheduled a different time leaving the family alone and perhaps returning a few weeks later to do the work, but not Leroy! He said, “Okay, well then, I’ll come on Thursday instead!”

By Wednesday Brian and I were going on six nights of very little sleep. We decided that we would linger around the house on Thursday morning and not arrive at the funeral home until around noon. We knew that Leroy was coming so Brian watched him and his crew do the work while I straightened the house a little. I found myself avoiding Leroy because I really didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Instead, I occasionally peeked out the windows to see what they were doing.

Once the work was finished in the backyard I snuck out while the crew worked on the front of the house. I was lost in my thoughts when Leroy came down the sidewalk and we were face to face for the first time. I felt this was the opportunity I had been waiting for to finally speak to him. He asked me how it looked and if I was happy.

I replied to him, “Leroy it is beautiful. I waited three months for my Mother’s Day gift and everything looks wonderful. And of all times for you to show up! Most people would have been scared and would have waited weeks before coming, but not you! Instead you insisted on coming despite everything that was going on and I thank you for that!”

He said, “Yes, because I know your daughter is now an angel and she’s in heaven. I wanted you to have something beautiful to look at since she is gone, so that’s why I insisted the work be done this week. Does it make you happy?”

“Yes”, I replied, “it makes me very happy.”
“Well then, my work is done!” Leroy added with a smile.
 

View the Back Yard Curbing
View the Front Beds

Everywhere you see dirt and grass is the “extra” space that was added by Leroy with the persistence of my husband. :)

When Brian and I arrived at the funeral home we learned from family that we had missed several important visitors. Kaity’s pediatrician Dr. Norton had stopped in, as well as the Sheriff and Chief of Police, and one of Kaity’s elementary teachers. I was sorry that I had missed their visits but talking to Leroy was worth every minute of being absent.
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Chad (The funeral home director/Coroner) brought me an envelope. On the front it said: “To the Mother”. Inside was the following letter and a picture of the rainbow from the night before. It read:

”I have never touched a rainbow until last night but for the first time in my life a Rainbow touched me. You know a Rainbow is God’s promise. Yesterday there was a Rainbow forming that was your promise from heaven that everything will be okay.

I know that’s hard to believe right now, but that promise in the sky said it will be. I don’t know you, but I feel your pain and if you need a shoulder to cry on, you can use mine. If you need to talk, I have two ears. I’m someone who won’t judge you and doesn’t know you. I don’t even know your name! I felt I needed to write this letter. I don’t know why, but there is a reason.
I’m sending you a photo of the rainbow just in case you missed it. ~Susie

Note: Susie owns the business across the street from the funeral home. She saw the Wellman family looking at the rainbow and felt compelled to write to me after she learned a child had died. …Angels come in many forms.
I tried to scan the rainbow to show everyone but it was dark and didn’t show up very well.

Thursday was full of visitors to the funeral home. There were so many people that I can’t remember who all was there. I’m not sure when they arrived, or when they left. I just hope in my daze I was able to speak to all of them even if only for a minute.

At some point I reached in my pocket to find my angels and realized I had left them at home! Uncle George had returned to the house so I gave him a quick call to see if he could find my coins. I said, “George! I forgot my angels at the house…can you please find them?”

A few minutes later he called back and his voice was frantic! He said, “JESS, I found Love and I found Peace, but I can’t find Strength!!!”

I had to chuckle at the frantic way he was speaking, as if the coins were actually people with names. I said, “Its okay George, Strength is in Brian’s pocket!”

Brian and I returned home Thursday evening to instantly notice how many blooms were hanging on the Moon Flower bush. There were 12 beautiful blooms but since Kaity was 13 we knew that we had to be missing one. We frantically recounted but still only found 12. Brian paused and said, “Honey what is today?” Of course I was oblivious to the date so he told me, “Today is the 12th.”

The Moon Flower has since been dying. We thought at first an insect had destroyed the plant but have later determined it to be some sort of fungus or rust. After the 12 blooms on August 12th, it has done very little production. We have frantically tried different remedies, but to no avail it has ran its cycle. It is now August 29th and it is still living, but looks very weak. The night before last we had three flowers, last night only one. Although it has been sad for me to see it die, I try to compare it to Kaity’s life.

The entire summer, while Kaity had suffered, the Moon Flower provided countless hours of entertainment to us while stranded at home. On the 9th of August we had nine blooms. Again on the 12th, we had twelve blooms. After Kaity was buried on the 13th the blooms came less and less and the bush looks pitiful today. I feel sad for it because it has touched our lives and I hate to see it go. I try to remember, just like Kaity, the flowers have served their purpose. They have brought beauty and touched our hearts. The wonderful thing about the Moon Flower is it will be back next spring and Brian and I will patiently wait to see what it has to offer us again!

The Moon Flower is often mistakenly called Angel Trumpets, but once again I can see why the latter is a more appropriate name…
 

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 1:59 AM CDT

August 13th was the day of Kaity’s Service. For many years my biggest fear was leaving Kaity at the graveside. How was I possibly going to leave someone that I had spent so many years caring for? I think God took every precaution in assuring me that Kaity was not in that grave. Of course her body was there, but she was not. If I didn’t have that faith, I would have had a horrible time on this particular day.

In the early morning, Kaity was moved from the funeral home to the Hursttown United Methodist Church. This is the church we attended when Kaity was little and where she was baptized. I had a few quiet moments before people arrived. I asked for a chair so I could sit beside Kaity and say my final goodbyes. She was taking her favorite Barney with her, also a quilt that was crafted by Miss Alli’s Mom, thirteen chocolate Hershey kisses, and many photos of her family and friends.

I found her hands one last time because they had been covered by a shawl. I really missed her hands and had grown fond of gently rubbing them during her final days. Someone on the MPS forum told me to concentrate on her hands. Since everything else seemed to change and become unrecognizable, her hands remained the same all throughout the weeks prior to death. I knew I was going to really miss rubbing her crippled little fingers, and also her cheeks and hair.

I had prayed to God for years that he would make her burial easy for me and I believe he did just that. He let me feel her spirit so when the time came to leave her at the graveyard, I could walk away knowing she was now in heaven.

Blessed be the angels...

It was only 10am and Kaity’s funeral did not begin until 1:00. It seemed like the time crept by, but then seemed so short when it was all over. A few minutes before the funeral began my estranged sister arrived from North Carolina to say her final goodbyes. While I was uncomfortable having her there, I felt this was her closure and I felt that anyone who had loved Kaitlynn needed that closure.

At 1pm Pastor Rod Shelton of Hursttown UMC gave opening prayer. A surprise visitor then took the podium because he felt strongly that he needed to travel seven hours to Indiana to say a few words to Kaity and her family.

Art Holbert lives in West Virginia and organized “Moriah’s Bears of Hope” which is one of the organizations we asked friends and family to donate. He and I had become good friends after he lost his daughter in May of this year. During my times of many worries before Kaity’s death, Art and Cindy were there to guide and comfort me when I felt no one else could understand. Their daughter, Moriah also had MPS (Sanfilippo) and was almost eight years old when she died.

Art said the following words at Kaity’s service:

Families with kids who have MPS start grieving the moment their child is diagnosed. Grieving for the things they will never share with their child, like frilly dresses, trips to mall to go shopping, seeing them go to the prom, and walking them down the isle on their wedding day. But a little further down the journey they began to realize what a special gift God has given them and how much they learn from their special child. They learn about unconditional Love, about belly laughs, about trust, about kisses. Families with normal kids sometimes take for granted what we learn to cherish like hugs, kisses, holding our kids, laughter and I love you.

As our children near the end of the journey we ask ourselves have we done everything we could for them, are they in pain, what else can we do for them?

I believe that if Kaity were standing here today she would say to her family YOU ARE MY HEROES.

Josh, you took the time to play with me and romp on the floor, you were more than my brother you were my friend.

Daddy, I saw you crying when you thought nobody was looking, I heard you whisper I love you, I know that you got up every day and went to work when you really wanted to stay here with me.

Mommy, You were always there, you always took care of me, you fed me, you wiped my nose, you wiped my butt. You were the first thing I saw when I open my eyes in morning and the last thing I saw when I closed my eyes at night. You were there when I closed my eyes for the last time.


YOU ARE MY HEROES

Now you are on a different kind of journey one that God has laid out before you. There will be some bumps along the path but know that there will be bumper pads along the way to help you on the path.

When he was finished, I could hear all the sniffles and tears and I don’t believe there was a dry eye in the small little chapel…