Dearest Kaity,
You have brightened so many lives and each person that knew you would like to wish you a very special birthday in heaven. May your special day be spent with blue skies, a brook to walk beside and green pastures under your tiny feet. May butterflies follow you wherever you go and may rainbows light your path. May you have a gentle breeze to help you glide and may the sun gently warm your rosy cheeks.

You are only a heartbeat away little angel…

_________________________________________________

Below is a beautiful tribute of photos and music made by Leslie (on the forum) in memory of Kaity on her birthday. Please be aware that the first file is very large and you may have trouble viewing the photos. The file will work if you are running Windows XP and have the latest version (10.0) of Windows Media Player. If you are unable to watch the larger version, there is a smaller file that should be compatible with most Windows versions.

Thank you for the videos Leslie! They are very special to our family!

Larger version (Contains two songs, photos and a surprise giggle!)

Smaller version (Contains one song with photos)

Monday, April 18, 2005 4:55 PM CDT

Kaity’s birthday has come and gone and thankfully the day was not spent in sorrow but instead spent with family who chose to remember a special little girl and how she touched our lives.

Thank you to everyone who signed the guestbook and sent cards in the mail in memory of Kaity’s birthday. You are all dearly loved. Special thanks to Miss Sami for the beautiful letter and picture that you sent and also to Mr. Zach for the adorable “Butterfly Kisses” teddy bear. Big hugs and kisses to both of you!

Josh and I have been working on a new “Angel Flower Bed” that will be a tribute to Kaity. Filled with Moonflowers, Angels and butterflies the miniature garden addition will hopefully be a beautiful sight. I will post pictures as soon as the area is finished!

This Friday I’ll be flying to Chicago to meet up with Brian! He and I are driving to Michigan for the ISMRD conference. We can’t wait to see everyone!

Big Hugs,
Jess

_________________________________________________

Dear Kaity Bug,
I planted your Moonflower seeds on your birthday! So far 15 have sprouted and hopefully they will soon be big enough to take outside. Josh and I have been so busy on your garden. Thank you for sending the beautiful butterfly to visit us on Sunday while we worked. I soon realized it was not going to leave us until we knew it was a special butterfly! The whole time Josh worked it flew around him and then perched itself in a tree to sit and watch. I’ve never seen a butterfly act this way and that’s how I knew it was special.  Of course it made me cry...but only because I was sad when it flew away.

I love you baby and I hope we have your blessings in the new garden. Grow Moonflowers grow!

I miss you dearly,
Mommy

I can’t believe over a month has passed since I wrote in my journal. You know the old saying, “Elvis has left the building?” Well, that’s been me the last few months! I have deserted my internet friends and family to spend all my spare time outside. Spring is truly the best time of the year at the Wellman home!

It has been very difficult for me the last few weeks. It all started on Mother’s Day and everything has seemed really bleak since. I’ve tried my hardest to put on my ‘happy face’ at work but it has been a struggle. I miss Kaity and I always feel closer to her at home. I look out the big window at work and I feel like a trapped animal! I want to scream, “Let me out of this place so I can play in the dirt!!”

Josh and I have been preparing an Angel Garden in memory of Kaity. We started shortly after Kaity’s birthday and I finally planted the last few flowers the day after Mother’s Day, which marked the day Kaity has been gone nine months.

I’m not sure why the ninth month has been so difficult, but it has. I keep thinking…NINE MONTHS…that is how long it took for her to come into this world! Even after nine months it’s as if I’m thinking any day now she will be coming home to me. Hopefully the hurt will stop one day and I will finally realize that Kaity IS HOME and has been since August 9th, 2004.

I hope everyone enjoys the photos that I’ve included with this entry. With every plant that was put in the ground, prayers were spoken that Kaity’s Angel Garden will be a small garden of magic. A place of solitude and tranquility for all who visit…my friends, my family, the birds and even the Angels!

A special thanks to everyone on the forum for the Christmas gift certificate that was used to help build this beautiful tribute.

Much love to each of you,
Jess

_______________________________________________

Dear Sweet Little Angel,
Mother’s Day was so hard but I feel so blessed that I had Josh with me all day. My Mother’s Day morning was a little rocky but he made sure the rest of the day was spent doing busy work. That included finishing your garden! I sure hope you like it and I hope you can come and visit often. Please bring the butterflies and all your angel blessings with you. I love you baby girl and I miss you terribly.
Love,
Mommy

________________________________________________
Garden Message (Photo)
Hanging on the fence looking over the Angel Garden, the plaque reads:
"A heart of gold stopped beating
Two shining eyes at rest
God broke our hearts to prove
He only takes the best."

Josh put in the white fence and built the wall of stone. Before he started it was nothing but a small plot of gravel and grass. There are moon flowers planted throughout this garden but they were too small to show up in the photo. As soon as they start to bloom I’ll take another picture!

Angel Garden Photo #1

Large exsisting flower bed in my backyard. One of eight flower beds I now have!

A closer view of the daises and phlox in my back bed.

Sunrise in my back yard!

Kaity’s final resting place sits just to the right of this photo. As you can see I have a beautiful reason to never leave this land!


____________________________________________________________

Baxter (B-Boy) Wellman April 2002 – May 2005
On May 19th my sweet little dog Baxter was killed on the highway in front of our home. I cried and cried and wished I had never become so attached to the little critter! He was my buddy and he went with me and Kaity everyday to the store. He was the most loyal dog I had ever owned. After Kaity died he was all I had left to care for. Josh doesn’t need me (not as much anyway), Kaity is gone, and Brian travels...so for the most part it was just me and my buddy Bax. I will miss him dearly. If all dogs go to heaven I sure hope Bax meets up with Kaity Bug.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005 8:53 PM CDT

I don’t write in my journal like I should and I send my most humble apologies to those who have signed Kaity’s guestbook and did not receive a reply from me. Even though my entries have been few and far between, thank you for continuing to visit this web-site. I hold each of you very close to my heart.

In three weeks my daughter will be gone an entire year. It’s extremely difficult for me to comprehend that an entire year has past because not ONE single day has gone by when Kaitlynn has not entered my mind. To me, it’s like she left yesterday. Some days my thoughts will turn to her and linger for the majority of the day, but most of the time my thoughts come in brief intervals.

For instance, not a night has passed when I close my eyes and memories do not come flooding back to me. The memories of her last few months will be forever etched in my soul. How is a mother to forget how her child suffered? I don’t think I'll ever forget. Perhaps it will begin to “dull” over the years, but I suppose only time will answer that question.

During my quiet moments, I think of Kaity...in my garden smelling the moonflowers for example. I waited all summer for my moonflowers to bloom. It had been almost a year since I saw the last one. I pulled my lawn chair in front of the vine and I waited patiently for them to open. I used a half a box of tissue that night. Each bloom that opened was a reminder of the months before Kaity passed. I’m convinced that if Kaity has a “heavenly scent,” she must indeed smell like a freshly opened moonflower.

This year I planted moonflowers everywhere. There are three different locations where they are blooming. Tonight the air is so thick with humidity, and it only accelerates the aroma of the blooms. The air is pungent with their scent. There are seventeen blooms tonight, which is the most I’ve had all summer.

I miss my daughter very much today. Perhaps a visit to the cemetery brought on the heavy heart or because the house is much too quiet. In this house ~quiet~ only allows for thinking time. Whatever brings on the sadness, I pray that my daughter can read my words and know that she is missed.

Tuesday, August 9, 2005 4:14 AM CDT

It’s that time. It’s time to write about how I feel on this emotional day when my daughter has been lost to me for 12 months. Words are not easy to find. It is difficult to believe that an entire year has gone by. How can her first Angel date be here when it seems I just held her in my arms yesterday? It feels as if only a moment in time has passed.

The emotions yesterday and today have been heart wrenching and the tears have easily flowed. I miss my daughter beyond any words I could ever express in this journal.

I have wondered about her everyday this year. I can only imagine the happiness she has now found. I can only imagine that her pain has vanished, although ours is left to remain. I’m so happy that she no longer suffers, but yet my selfishness still plays a role in my daily life. I often wish for just a glimpse of how she doing. To know, beyond a shadow of doubt that she is being cared for. I know that I could live my life worry free, if only I could have that moment.

Sadly, I’ve been left behind and encouraged to have “faith” that my daughter is living well with Jesus and is ecstatic with her new heavenly, eternal home. I’ve spent the last year talking to Jesus and Kaitlynn, as if they are one, asking them to care for my family and protect the little children who are ill.

I don’t return to the cemetery as often as before. I don’t like to think about my daughter being there. I try to imagine that there is nothing more than a shell left in the ground. Just like a sea shell on the beach, its life and contents are gone. Every time I visit the cemetery, I am overcome with the words and feelings, “I’m not down here Mommy, don’t cry for me.” Those feelings are the only thing that helps me to walk away from her grave.

I am grief stricken today and I’m so sad that I have to go to work. I had originally taken the day off but since I missed so much work during my surgery, I was afraid to ask for another day. Now I’m wishing I had never promised to be there. I just want to be lost in my thoughts and cry for my daughter. Luckily I get off early today (4pm) and I’ll be able to spend some time with Brian when I get home.

Thank you to everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers during this year of loss. Thank you Art and Cindy for your beautiful tribute that will take place today in memory of Kaity. (Read here to learn what Art and Cindy Holbert are doing today at children’s hospitals: Click here for the link ) It helps my heart to know that so many children will receive a smile today in my daughter’s memory.

Love to each of you,
Jessica

_________________________________________________

Kaity
I pray that you are as large an entity in heaven as you were on Earth. I miss you dearly little one. ~Mommy